So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
