so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
