I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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