Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kiss
Puke
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
