i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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