apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
