I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
