I didn't shave. On purpose
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
