dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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