I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
