considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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