"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
