Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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