What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
