She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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