I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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