So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
where does the pee come out of this thing
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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