And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
