my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
