I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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