he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
