Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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