She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would fuck him just for his dog
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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