so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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