I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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