It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
