Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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