just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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