thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
