There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
