A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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