Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
