Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
