tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
