I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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