Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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