hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
