i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
