she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
