I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
