I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
