I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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