So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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