Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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