someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
