I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
