it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
