haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
