Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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