The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
