i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
