if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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