um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize