did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
