the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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