When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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