We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
