God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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