Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
