we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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