I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
