Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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