Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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