i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
