so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what day is it and did you see me today?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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