We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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