Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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