There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
