You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
