Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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