I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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