How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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