i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
