I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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